He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
