Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
