She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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