My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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