I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
