WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
