now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
