$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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