is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
