You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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