wanna go halves on a baby?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
