Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
