end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
