me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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