I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
