dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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