You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
