I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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