i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
