need another drink. this is the easiest way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
