Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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