Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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