Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
