I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
