So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
