U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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