The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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