you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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