So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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