good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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