is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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