i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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