I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
