I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
