I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
