This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
