Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
