i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my being single is dangerous.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
