That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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