I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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