You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
