Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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