I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
