Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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