Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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