I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
