..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
