I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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