i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
