Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
