took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
