Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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