Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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